My friends and their parents have always told me that I was the positive one. And as a kid, I always was. I didn't know the danger that the world could bring; the pain, the torture; the insanity.
Before anyone continues reading this, it isn't a sad story or a complaint about life. It is a story of success, or overcoming what life has thrown my way.
I started this blog because I thought writing about my life would help me get through whatever it was that was happening in that moment. Honestly, writing always helps me but sometimes, it just triggers a memory I try so hard to forget, which is why I haven't posted in a while. I needed time. Time to think, and figure out who I am and where my life is heading.
I am now a college graduate who is working three jobs to make enough money to continue my education. My life has changed so much over the past few weeks that I sometimes think it's too much. I know now that I can handle it. I don't ignore my problems anymore.
---Here's my story---
PART ONE: Early Life
I grew up in a world that I knew nothing about. I was shielded from the world and I am thankful for that although it has created some complications. I've learned that the way I was brought up isn't necessarily the best way, but I will learn from it. My parents are very judgemental and I have taken the same state of mind. My parents taught me that there are people above us, and people below us. I know that is true but I also have realized that we are all people, we all deserve the same. I'm still trying to get out of that mind set of the pyramid of society. I am still learning.
I was very fortunate as a child. I always had a roof over my head and food on my plate at dinner. I never thought anything of it. Now I know there are people out there who struggle to survive, to feed their family, and there are some who don't know where they are going to sleep tonight. I hope that once I figure out my life and settle down, I can help the less fortunate. I want them to be able to have a roof over their heads and food on their plates. When I went to Costa Rica with Habitat for Humanity, it was a life-changing opportunity. I loved seeing the smiles on the children's faces when they saw their new home.
PART TWO:
When I was 15, I met someone who became very important to me. Despite the distance, we kept in touch. He was my best friends and the first person I fell in love with. He made me believe I was special and important. He believed in my like no one had before. He knew everything about me like I knew everything about him. When I needed someone to talk to, he was always there. Until one day, he wasn't.
All of a sudden, he had changed. He became a stranger to me. From there, everything went downhill. My self-esteem disappeared and I lost hope in any friendship or any relationship. I couldn't allow myself to get close to anyone the same way because I was terrified of getting hurt. I spent weeks, months, trying to figure out why someone would drop me like that. No matter what I did, he wouldn't speak to me. I was pathetic with my attempts. The last thing he said to me before leaving was, "You're my best friend, I love you. Nothing and no one will ever change that."
Those words will forever be stuck in my head.
I spoke to him recently. I had lead myself to believe he ditched me for a girl. He told me he went through a depressive cycle and dropped everyone. I believed him.
I was such a fool. He turned around and did the exact same thing again. We haven't spoken since, nor do I want to. He's inflicted enough damage.
For the past two years, I have been so broken. I tried forgetting everything that had happened but with no success.
I remembered my childhood. It was so happy and full of smiles.
PART THREE: Recovery
Thinking of my childhood has helped me so much. I strived to be that little always-positive girl I use to be. Remembering the good times instead of the bad doesn't always fix things but it sure as hell can improve situations. I am amazed with how much I've changed in just a few short months. I've come to realize that I live my life for me. Not you, not my friends, not my family, not anyone. It is my responsibility to make a life worth living.
The guy I fell in love with is no longer a problem of mine. I gave him a second chance (like a fool) and he is definitely not getting a third.
I can truly say that I am happy now. Despite working most of the time, I try to find time for myself. I work three jobs and yet I still hang out with my friends. I am taking classes online to be eligible to continue my post-secondary education. If I get accepted, I have five years until the "real world".
I'm opening up again. I welcome new friends and I don't shy away from relationships. My friends have noticed a great improvement in my life and they are partially responsible. I love them so much.
I have learned to trust again. I have been with my boyfriend now for almost six months.
Every day, I wake up amazed that I am capable of so much. I can trust, I believe in myself and I always try to stay positive and optimistic about life.
Always find a reason to smile ♥︎
